Liwanag


In memory of Alvin Eumague, departed a year go.

Anak, so, this is where you live now. In the trembling light. A feather carried by the gentle breeze, among the chirping birds and the joyful colors of September. There is moss on the stones where I sit but it is not cold.  A bell rings, far in the village. Seasons come and go. The cycles of life. Once again we have come to close this house for the winter. Another look at the garden. Cyclamen are now discreetly displaying their light lilac hues under the chestnut tree. I should enter the building now, but it is so damp. Although you never came here your presence lingers around,  in the subtle scent of apples, and there are honey jars in the basement of the castle where they used to keep cider, generations ago. Like these kernels your soul will keep growing and singing, cracking in the dry summers through the trunk and branches of the big sequoia tree. Such a lovely, lovely day to remember you. In KL, you recorded funny faces on my camera, knowing I would find them only later.  For you were such a clown, and so gifted. What now with the promise of your life? Where is that smile of yours, this laughter of yours, and what to do with your anger now? Now you have joined the deepest rivers, nurturing underground currents and preparing to spring up in songs. For you will be the spring, that much I know, and those rays of light caressing our face. You will, but for now there is winter to go through. Sitting on the stairs outside the door, I fill my lungs with fresh air. Soon I must enter this place and face memories of the week-end I spent here, writing and waiting anxiously for news from you, just before you left us, almost a year ago. Life is calling and demanding much of us. There is love to be shared and consolation to be given. And there are particles of gold in every life you’ve touched, in every cycle we go through, in the humblest grass. Anak, my child, I will go now, and fill this house with gratitude.

Melancholy

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